How To Start A Conversation With a Girl

I know it can really be a daunting task to start a conversation with a girl, especially when you don’t know her. However, there are some guidelines that if you follow, you’ll know exactly how to start a conversation with a girl even if you’ve never done it before. Once you have the conversation going, you’ll have to keep it up as she’s likely not going to have much to say until she warms up to you. If anything, you should expect to do most of the talking within the first few minutes of the conversation until it progresses to a point where you’re both talking equally.

So let’s start!

In seduction, you can either have a completely natural approach where you simply go up to a girl and say “hello”, or you can have a more mechanical approach where everything is broken down into tiny little steps. It’s likely that if you’re reading this you aren’t part of the more natural ones so let’s break a conversation down into tiny little parts.

The Opener

The first thing you say to a woman is called an opener. The opener’s purpose is to simply break the ice and get the conversation going. The key to a good opener is to engage the other person and if you can captivate their attention, then that’s even better. If your opener isn’t creating curiosity, then it’s likely that the girl you’re talking to will simply walk away or act very disinterested earlier on. If this is happening, then make sure to change your approach until you can at least get 30 seconds of conversation going each time you try to talk to a new girl.

As if it wasn’t subtly hinted enough in the previous paragraph, you should prepare your opener in advance. Ideally, it should be less than 10 seconds long, draw curiosity to you and be original! If you want mine, then that’s fine, it’s not very good but it works: “Hey there, how’s it going? I’m doing <enter activity here>, what are you up to?” (I told you it wasn’t very good! But usually I’m doing something interesting enough to be casual yet inciting)


Keep the Conversation Flowing

If after you say hello to a girl, you immediately have nothing to say, it’s likely that your efforts won’t go very far. All the courage that it took to go up to the girl… they will all be for nothing if you don’t have a follow up to your opener. What you say AFTER you’ve said hello is called a routine. These are stories, questions or even a game you play after you’ve first made contact.

Routines can range from asking specific questions, to telling stories about yourself or even doing a magic trick. However, if you’re using any type of prop to pick up women, then you better have a good explanation for it. Don’t just walk up to a girl, say hi and then read her palm. There needs to be something in between!

Instead, routines should be interesting and relevant stories that make people want to hear the rest. For example, if you start talking about how you just came back from the airport and the girl right beside you was stopped for trying to bring in a foreign animal onto the plane, you’ll be on your way to creating curiosity. Whatever you say, make sure it’s genuine and relevant to you.

Once again, make sure you prepare this beforehand so when the situation arises, you know exactly what to say. That way, if your mind draws a blank, you’ll have something to immediately say after introducing yourself. Some guys prefer to have many routines and then they stack them one after another. That provides them with hours of chatter without even having to think!

Qualifying the Girl

Now during your chat, if you simply tell stories, you’ll never get to know her! So this next step, where you ask her specific questions will get her talking as well. Your questions should be open ended questions about things that you care about. If you’re looking for a fun adventurous girl, ask her what the last adventurous thing she did was. Make her describe, in detail if possible, what kind of person she is and why she’s worth talking to. If you can reverse the roles like that, then you’ll be on your way to not only having an enjoyable conversation, but building attraction while you’re at it.


How to Start a Conversation and then keep it going in a few steps:

  1. Create a personalized opener
  2. Create two routines
  3. Figure out what you want in a girl and think of two open ended questions

Once you’ve done all of this, you’ll have your own step by step guide to starting great conversations. Then all you need to do is go out and apply it.

39 Responses

April 12, 2009

What’s the best approach opener you have used? Lately I’ve been using “Are you from around here?” but always looking to get new ones. I know a lot of people using opinion openers but do you have a favorite that works more than others?

May 14, 2009

How to isolate her, If she is with her friends…???

July 8, 2009

if you want to isolate her and shes with her friends, say to her friends, “can i borrow your friend for a minute” then hold her hand a take her away.
good openers would be like something random i think like hi i like pickle juice
a question such as i havent seen a movie in a while, can you recomend some to me? she says:blabla bla. you say oh i prefer this kind of movie ( a popular one were u both can relate to) then just about to leave and say oh btw im (…..) shake her hand then after say “pff u call that a handskake” just to show ur not like everyone else trying to pull. then either introduce her to your friends or tell her to introduce you to hers (greet the men straight away) or if you are on your own say, “would you like to hang out with me till my friends arrive?”

October 10, 2009

Can you give some examples of openers and routines? I can’t seem to think of any and like i don’t want it to be like a random question cause its kinda awkward.

October 30, 2009

When looking for openers. Never ask straight forward questions. You’ll definitely get a No. Open up with a personal complement at the tag or general casual question.

November 21, 2009

I really need advice with this. I hardly talk to people

December 8, 2009

i dont have the problem of going up or starting in person or even on the phone but when it comes to texting it throws me off because im use too puting crazy movements or a crazy voice but how can i text with that kind of crazy lol I hate texting but the girl loves it. to be honest it a drag but she worth it. we have so much in common but get confussing in texting LOL

December 15, 2009

haha, “I don’t really talk to people”, its all good, i’ll try to teach you something. when I am by myself, i try not to talk to people either. its awkward and you have no one there to make sure what you say is right. cause i know when i’am by myself i usually start talking about guy shit and get off topic, like I am now. and my thought process is shutting down, anyways… try to get a buddy or two with you when chatting with the lady’s. it boosts your self confidence and makes you feel safer. see, this is my strategy. i walk to a girl I am gonna talk to with a buddy. i start talkin to her and i let my friend talk to her, just not as much as me. =D since my friend will not try to seduce her (its a guy code, if a buddy tries to seduce your target, he is a horrible friend) i give him things to talk about. and I am totally going off topic.. again! anyways, say things like hey, your hair looks great today! you cant believe how many smiles i get with that. repeat what people say to her, “Your” talking to her, no one else, as an example: your talking to her and her friend walks up and says “Hey Chelsie, you wanna come bowling tonight”? you repeat what her friend said EXACTLY like it was your own words, then give her a real big grin. that’s my favorite thing to do. anyways i cant really type how to get lady’s. if you were at a party with me it would be easy peasy. just start slow and work your way up. i hope i helped someone, though i doubt i did. haha, my mind flip flops so much in this reply

December 23, 2009

Reading all the stuff above on openers – qualifying, they all make a lot of sense, but the key/background question that should be asked is how can u make a girl begin to like u (even a bit) after ur conversation? The simple answer is humor! whatever opener/routine/conversation u have tot about there must be something to make the girl laugh (even if it a short laugh), then u can leave her with the impression that u are not a boring guy. Even if she doesn’t see you as the funniest guy in the world, she sees u as someone who wont bore her the next time she talks to u, with this u have scored a major point. Also, when speaking, your facial expression matters a lot, make sure you smile a bit, this will make her relaxed. If you keep a serious face when cracking your joke she might not find it funny, the fact that you are smiling has already shown that you are trying to say something funny, and once she recognizes that she will respond as long as she is not a snub and as long as there is nothing bothering her mind that moment.
Before you approach a girl, take sometime to study her and her mood, this can help your opener. For example, if you want to talk to a girl in your class, study her for 5 minutes (of course not during lectures, but during break), if you notice that she is moody thru out that period, then your opener could be” Hi, I have been watching you for the past 5 minutes, you dont look very happy, do u mind sharing whats wrong?” For the girl to feel relaxed to talk to you 1) you must give a shallow smile 2) talk slowly 3)let it read all over your face that you care. You may also add this line which should make her smile/light her up “Actually, I have this gift of solving peoples problems, am sure I’ll be able to help with yours”. With that, she knows you are joking and will most likely respond. Once the conversations kicks off then anything you do in ur routine should be geared to make her feel better.
Prepare ahead and bring out the humor in you, this should help u succeed.

January 19, 2010
Herby Sicilia

allwas when i start a conversation i started with a peom, like you are beautifull of something great and than i approach a opener

February 14, 2010

hey i really neeed help i can u give me examples of how you make routines and how do do them

February 24, 2010

The most important I think is to not isolate the girl from her friends. This can put in her a fear that you want to made her something wrong. The most important I think is to be honest and to start a decent discussion.

February 26, 2010

yea sure think i can help

March 2, 2010

Really need help!!!
Hey how do i approach a girl that i don’t know and start a conversation?

March 4, 2010

making routines isnt really that hard when you want to talk to a girl that u like you have to aprroach them like if u now them
go up to them and tell them have we met before cuz u look familiar and if she say no try to start a conversation say whats on ur mind but dont start of by saying ur cute or i like u say that when ur about to stop talking to her or when she feels comfortable talking to you

March 19, 2010

hey i just need help on the routine part of the conversation cause i have the confidence to go up to a girl and talk to her but i just never have anything to say after hi… help

April 8, 2010

I want to know that too. Last week i saw a very nice girl at her work, and today again. I haven’t yet had the chance to start a conversation with her, and even if i did…i think i would be chickenshit with that, i really ain’t good in that. I do however want to do something, i think the interest is coming from her as well, but i am not sure about that. It’s the way she looks at me that makes me think she might be interested, but i really ain’t sure….last year i thought a particular lady was interested in me as well, because of her stare, but at the end of the day….she was already in a relationship, lol.

So yeah…some advice on what to do with a lady i really don’t know much about, other than that she really caught my eye and i can’t seem to get her off my mind.

April 21, 2010

actually i know how to flirt a women and start conversation, but the only problem which i have is i can’t keep the conversation flowing. however i need help. thanks

June 15, 2010

What i will just say is that whenever you see a girl ur heart desire, just walk up to her and tell her to excuse u for a minute tell her that her face looks familiar that you don’t really know where exactly you saw her last, hear what she will say and if she says no, tell her okay you will like to know more about are cos u really care about her the moment you set ur eye on her so u just feel like talking to her. What i will advice you to do is dat if have a talent for example me myself i can dance so i normally ask the girl what she like doing best and if she tells u she can sing,act and dance. You will just like say wow that is great that she mean she can do all dis you will tell her that, that is interesting you also can dance and you like meeting people that can also dance and that can also encourage u to move forward. Tell her because of that you will like her to give u her phone number and give her urs tell her u will like to invite her for a program or service in your church or a birthday party. From there you will find out she is now free with you, you just tell her you see her later or you can even invite her for a dinner at ant restaurant or hotels like Mr biggs,tantalizer e.t.c. I hope with this i have help somebody here, that is one of the thins u can use to attract a lady to u by doing what u can do best or find out what she can do and encourage her and tell her you will like her to teach you that thin she likes doing. Bye for now.

June 17, 2010

i was at the trolley station with a friend and i notiiced 2 hott girls waiting for the trolley aswell ,but only one of them cought my eye. i didnt know how to start the conversation and i didnt want to make her friend feel uncomfortable for me just talking to her and making her friend leave her to talk to me.. when the trolley came i noticed she fallowed me into the trolley and sat next to me in the trolley as if she was interseted in knowing me cause i saw her smiling and looking at me.. i want a girlfriend alread lol im not desperate or have bad looks or anything like that just dont know how to start a conversation and keep it going

June 26, 2010

You guys are awesome i like all of the comments u have said….., its just that when i walk up to a girl (im never scared to) i always say hi, how was your day etc…..,its just keeping the conversation going….that’s the hard part x.x where i live there’s lots of hot girls like totally lots, lol just moved up here so never got the chance to try. But anyway my main question is how to keep a conversation going with a girl that’ll be my only problem =D thanks guys peace…..

July 2, 2010

thanks very much for the comments guys atleast i have red something that might be of help to me at the moment i will meet a girl that my heart desires but the only problem i have is, each time i approach a girl, i feel like nervous, and at a point of zero selfesteem. More to that, because of the nervousness, even all cramed point in my mind that i was to tell the girl will disappear suddenly and iam just clueless of what to say at the moment after saying hi…so how can i really improve on this situation of mine guys

July 3, 2010

Very nice here, thx for all.
My questions and things:
1) How do you end a conversation, like when you ain’t even suppose to be chatting with her for example: Chatting with her in class, then the teacher told you guys to shout up or somethin’, but you have the feeling of that the conversation is not end yet and you think it’s un-polite and which at least you have to put a fullstop after the conversation but the teacher is starring at you two.
What should I do????
2) And what if you wanted to end the conversation quickly while you found out that she’s not what you wanted?

3) How to talk normally, at least talk to her like a friend? (I can’t even talk to any girls or women except for my mum, family members… And I even feel difficult to talk to my mum’s sister’s daughter (how do you call her? lol))

4) How to just talk like how I chat with her on FB or MSN???

I really SUCK at the f-word-ing stupid social things, I don’t really talk in real life too (except with my good friends) I don’t even know about how school runs and how the country runs
and I can rarely speak to classmates and teachers (except that I was high or something on that day)etc
So I appreciate helps. thx

July 14, 2010
jack bilforg

if you just moved there, say hi, then introduce yourself, make small talk like, ask where she works or where she’s from then mention that your new to the place and ask if she can show you so good resturants. if she says yes, then your good, get to know her more and you’ll be set. if she says no, find someone else 🙂

July 19, 2010
Rookie :P

Whoa ! whoa! ..The Best Way to Keep a conversation to be GENUINELY INTERESTED in her…

SHE/HE: How are you ?
HE/SHE: Yeah ,yes am just breathing polluted air of this kind city..and my lungs are working overtime =) ….OR, ..your perfume;s smell has got my lungs cleaned up..(ewk :D,that sounds creepy,anyways)
HE/SHE: ahh,i sometimes hate this city
he/she: i too …but now am loving it after you greeted me ,starting off the morning getting such a genuine greetings from a person is not what everybody expects in this world at any given day

bla bla bla bla…continue and pick up lines or topics from the opposite person’s response..but be careful,dont get irritating…””encourage the other person to talk more about himself/herself.””

dont talk about your achievements/life unless you are asked so.

“Be a patient listener” people love it..that is to say dont let your mind wander away here and there..focus and try to understand what the other person is saying…dont fidle your fingers,hair etc..if possible focus on your bodylanguage.
[ see,you can just reply in any different way other than the usual way “yup am fine”–that closes the conversation at the very moment,and you wont get much scope to keep the conversation flowing.]

August 21, 2010

Hey. I need help. I just need help on the routine part of the conversation because I’m not scared to walk up to a girl and say “Hi”. I just want to know how I can keep the conversation flowing.
Thanks for your help

September 5, 2010

Hi.I soon start highschool and in mine class there will be 27 girls witch i don’t know and another guy witch also i don’t know.So what shall i do to start makeing friends?…I really don’t know what will i do x.x

September 8, 2010

losers ! if you really want talk with a girl just do it without over thinking what your going to say it always work for me

September 10, 2010

So i need some help. Theres this really pretty girl who sits behind me in my math class. its been almost everyday that she has asked me for help on a question from the homework. The thing is i don’t mind helping her its just i wanna start an actual conversation with her rather than just help her.

So what can i say to start up a conversation?

what do i do to get her numba?

I already know her name because she was like “btw my name is so and so”

September 14, 2010

Thx this helped me alot but like most guys said I have the guts to go up to a girl and say hey what’s up but then after she replies it’s like ….. Especially if I don’t really know her too well and I don’t know what she likes. what would be a good way to keep the conversation going anyway ?

September 23, 2010

Alright ive only known this girl for a few weeks, the dance is coming up and i dont know what to do,should i ask her the next day? Or at the dance like “hey want to dance?” i am a nervous guy and this is my first dance

October 11, 2010

i have this problem i had a concept of not talking to a strange gurl without a reason
but now that i am in my 2nd year at college i only know few gurlz and i want some real gurls not just the nerds that you borrow all kind of things from

i want to start conversations randomly with all kind of gurls

and feel good about it
how could i be better with that

October 19, 2010

Like, I can talk to anyone I’ve met, but I just can’t talk to this one girl, my friennds think it’s because I like her too much, but I don’t know what is, Most of the time girls find me annoying, soo if you could give me any advice on like how to talk to her or how to get her alone, because she’s quite popular so I think it might be all her friends… Please.

November 28, 2010

i have this feeling of not having fun while talking to my fav girl and this makes the conservesion boring

December 22, 2010
Manuel Benedicto III

I’m 17 and what I can say is that, just be yourself. Put on a smile if you have to, I easiest way to talk to a girl is to have fun with it. It’s way easier to get positive feedback if she laughs at you rather than you trying to make her fall in love with you. Have fun with it and practice talking to your friends first, make sure you can flirt with a girl but also keep it funny. I’m a major funny guy and that’s what gets me girls, the only reason I’m here is because there is this one girl that eludes me….she can never laugh at my jokes hahaha…. But if you get to nervous talking to a girl then you will never get comfortable talking to her. Find someone tha you know won’t judge you easily. And before you can love anyone first love yourself. People feel more confident when they look in a mirror and like who they see, so wear something you like not something someone else would. Hope this helped someone.

December 27, 2010

A lot of you guys are having trouble with the routine part, and something that I always find to work is to ask questions. Girls love to talk about themselves. If your really into sports and they look like they might be also you can ask them about that, (however if they really don’t give a crap about sports you might get a very blunt no so this might be something for after you already know they like sports), other than that just ask them what they enjoy doing, movies, video games (kinda similar to sports lots of girls aren’t into them) or just hangin with friends (what do they do with there friends where are their favorite places to go?). If they’re into movies chances are they’ve seen some that you like and that type of a conversation can flow into more practical stuff. I’m not to great at approaching girls and something that I’ve heard works well is that when you see a girl don’t think about what your gonna say (you should have somethings ready at all times) just walk right up to them and talk to them before you can doubt yourself and look nervous or unconfident. Anyways I hope I could help some of you guys

February 1, 2012

wow im a girl ok but u guys stress out way to much if a guy really has interest in a guy she will just acept him for who he is so stop stressing out and just say anything. Oh and just a plain simple hi or hey whats up or ask them somthing about them selfes like there name its just so simple and usually works if they are interested in you. hope i helped ;D

February 6, 2012

I don’t agree with a lot of these comments. They key is to be controversial. If she says she likes something, don’t agree and pretend to be the nice guy that ‘likes every she does’ and ‘loves everything she does’ because girls do not go for that. Trust me. Example: I was talking to a girl at a party and she told me she was a professional vet, she had been to south africa healing Zebra and all kinds of animal stuff. She loved animals. So after 10 minutes of her talking about animals, you might think I would have said “hey I love animals too!” – I said “Zebra tastes good”. Then went on to talk about other animals I like to eat or would like to eat at some point. I did this in a cheeky way, not a deadly serious way. She pretended to be offended, saw the humour and we went from there. I later screwed her like a horny Zebra.

The lesson? Girls do not go for guys who say everything you think they want to hear “the nice guy”. They go for guys who challenge them in a playful way, who even make fun of them (to an extent, in a playful way). Girls are weird in that way, but it’s true. In a mate they look for someone with some sense of power about them, that draws them to them. The “nice guy” who likes everything they do and agrees with everything and compliments them, is never that guy.

Another slightly mean but effective technique is “negging”. This is starting with something negative. In particular if a girl is really hot, if you open with a line like “oh your hair looks nice” she will probably say “thanks” and look away. This is because she knows she is hot, she has had loads of guys tell her she is hot since the age of 16 and probably that night too. If you tell her she looks nice, you’re just another douchebag and even if you’re a pretty guy, you’ve still put yourself on the backfoot. The idea of negging is to open with a negative comment, such as “hey, those shoes look shit on you” or balance it out, “your dress is nice…those shoes are crap though”. In some cases it might backfire but in many cases the girl will feel challenged and usually say something like “WHAT?!” “WHY!?”. You can then follow up with something humourous and inoffensive or cute. This is usually most effective with 8+ (out of 10) girls. Only use it if you think a girl is out of your league.

Overall, the important thing is to be funny,playful and challenging.

February 15, 2012
so very true

women have become so very hard to have a conversation with today. most of them have a very bad attitude, and are very nasty when approached. why is that? why are you women so mean and nasty today? what is the matter? hate men? are many of you women today lesbians? i never would have thought that there are so many low life women out there now. what garbage they have turned out to be. cannot blame us straight men, that are looking to meet a good woman today. hey wait a minute, did i say a good woman? where are they?