Sunday, February 16th, 2020

Get Your Man By BRIDGING To A Real Relationship

Have you ever felt so tied into one man that you felt almost trapped?

Where you don’t know what he’s thinking, or what kind of relationship you’re really in, but you’ve already invested so much time and so much of your heart in him you can’t even think about breaking up without feeling terrified?

And no matter what you do, he keeps you dangling – being loving and sweet one moment, and then distant and cold the next?

If you’ve ever felt always on edge in a, situation like this with a man, you’re not only not alone, most of us have found ourselves in relationships with men where it’s soooo good when it’s good, and soooo bad when it’s bad.

Signs Of A No So Real Relationship

I remember always wanting so much more than a man wanted to give.

It never crossed my mind that he just wasn’t able to give, or even that he just wasn’t right nfor me, and so he didn’t want to give.

timid couple in a relationship

I just kept thinking this was the way relationships had always been and were alwaysm going to be.

I was resigned to thinking and feeling that I’d never know where I really stood with a man.

That I’d never know where a relationship was going, or what exactly was wrong.

It just seemed like that was my luck.

It felt like it was my destiny to always be not-quite number one in a man’s life.

I saw other women have better luck, but I assumed it was because of the way they looked or acted.

I watched helplessly as bitchy, demanding ex-girlfriends and ex-wives still had a hold over my boyfriends.

I figured that “wondering” what was going on with a man was how relationships worked.

I never realized that if all this was going on, if I was always insecure and confused – I WASN’T IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL!

When Dating Isn’t A Relationship

At least not one deserving of the name “Relationship.”

I was doing “something” with a man, but it wasn’t relationship.

I see now that I was “dating” him, or having an “affair” or a “fling” or a “friendship with benefits” with him.

But, since I had no real idea what a REAL RELATIONSHIP looked like, other than the tension- filled marriage of my parents, I always thought ANYTIME I was with a man more than three times and was sleeping with him, I was in a real relationship.

couple after a fight

Looking back, all this is what kept me stuck IN “half-relationships” that never worked out for me.

Only now, after years of helping and coaching women one-on-one, I’ve learned that this isn’t just unique to me. It’s something tons of other smart, caring, beautiful women experience and have dealt with.

But here’s the strangest part – even though this “something” is so common, no one’s really talking about it.

Well, after taking a long hard look at what this situation was really about for me as a woman and how it affects so many other women, and asking myself WHY is this happening so often for women with men out in the world, I came to an amazing and important realization –

There’s something going on in-between those first few meetings with a man where you tell yourself you’re “dating,” and that secure, confident, loving space where you’re sure of your relationship and the man you’re with.

Committing To A Physical Level

It’s a period of time most of us just don’t talk or think about with a man where you’re very VULNERABLE.

Because on the inside, you really feel like you ARE in a RELATIONSHIP with a man, but on the outside, there’s no real “commitment” or promise on a physical or emotional level.

And this period of time holds a whole lot of UNCERTAINTY for you as a woman, as it did for me. In fact, this situation is EMOTIONALLY TERRIFYING.

And it’s in this uncertain “something” stage where most of us let our own fears and worries get the best of us.

And then the fears and worries start to take over, and that’s when we make the big mistakes in a relationship that accidentally push our man away.

This entire situation is what I now call THE IMAGINARY RELATIONSHIP.

Here’s what I want you to see.

There was no way I could have seen that there was such a thing as an “Imaginary Relationship” until I had a relationship that was REAL.

The Right Person & The Law Of Attraction

I was having one Imaginary Relationship after the other – suffering and feeling desperate – until the insight-filled 6 months just before I met my husband.

Those 6 months were magical and different for me.

It was the first time in my life I actually “dated.”

I’m going to explain to you why this is important, and what it really means, because you’re probably thinking, “I want love and a real relationship. I’m NOT looking to get out there and date!”

Don’t get stuck in this common trap way too many women fall into.

couple that found love

The honest truth is that I had no idea I was doing everything wrong until suddenly things “shifted” for me one day and I was actually doing things that felt fun and free and easy and worked for me.

And, not by coincidence, my husband quickly showed up and stepped up to the plate.

Then, suddenly, I realized I was about to enter a REAL RELATIONSHIP.

In that moment I “got” that what had changed my love life wasn’t luck, or the way I looked. It was because I’d finally, for the first time, learned to DATE.

I learned to connect and “engage” with a man in a way that led to the creation of a Real Relationship, without living inside my own mind in my very own Imaginary Relationship.

See, I want you to know that when you live in that Imaginary Relationship space, the man you’re with has no hope of making things come together and work with you.

That’s why it’s a huge problem for us women that “dating” has such a bad reputation.

It doesn’t deserve a bad reputation.  It deserves respect and love.


Because dating keeps us sane! And I’ll tell you how.

It keeps us from feeling and acting needy.

It lets men see that we’re not “easy.”

It allows us to be free to not have to “play” hard-to-get, because we’re actually, REALLY hard- to get!

And best of all, it helps us “co-create” a Real Relationship with a man that isn’t just in our own heads.

And this is part of the secret to having a Real Relationship with a man that will actually LAST.

I don’t know if you see it right now, but when you date, you have options.

You have a life, and a place to go on a Saturday night. And with the wonderful invention of things like Internet dating, you have so MANY men to choose from!

The Bridge To More Successful Dates

Dating gives us our best chance at happiness.

It raises our self-esteem, makes us feel good, makes us feel appreciated and desired, and lets us have fun.

Without all these options, and without all the positive things going on for you (as it happens in an Imaginary Relationship) there’s no way you’re going to be able to “co-create” that great relationship with a man and effortlessly draw him to you.

That’s why I’m doing something kind of “radical” here.

I’m giving “dating” a new name. Because the old idea of dating just simply doesn’t fit and work.

I’m calling dating: THE BRIDGE.

Dating really is just a “bridge”. It’s the place where you start to “co-create” the Real Relationship you want with a man, taking into account all the things that he is IN REALITY.

And sharing with him all the things YOU truly are.

So you can think of The Bridge as many things:

  1. The Bridge To Love
  2. The Bridge to a Real Relationship
  3. The Bridge over the Pit of Lies
  4. The Bridge over the Trap of  “Just Friends”
  5. The Bridge over the Dead-End of “Casual Dating.”

It will be, for you, The Bridge that starts the moment you find yourself in an Imaginary Relationship, and takes you all the way to a Real Relationship.

From now on, your Bridge will be one of the ways to get yourself and the man in your life into the Real Relationship you want.

Starting A New Journey Of Love

So now that you’re starting to see a new way of creating the love life you want that will feel great and work for you, I need to ask you to do something important-

I need you to make an agreement with yourself. And that agreement is to “Bridge,” and stay out of living in that Imaginary Relationship space at all costs, for your own good, so that something REAL can be created. And until it is, you’re clear about what you are living.

This means that if you’re NOT in a Real Relationship, you will either be single and dating several men all at the same time (yes – you can!), or you’ll think of yourself as Dating Yourself (more about how to do that later).

And until that ONE MAN steps up to claim you as the woman he loves and wants to be with forever, and you agree, you will be BRIDGING!

This image of a Bridge has a lot of great visuals and ideas attached to it, and I’m going to be teaching a great many new Tools around the concept.

For now, just think about it.

When you feel trapped in a “relationship” that’s confusing, that’s uncertain, and maybe even painful, you don’t have to choose between staying and breaking up.

You can choose to BRIDGE.

It’s a way of doing the Rori Raye Third Way when you’re invested in being with a man, even if the relationship isn’t completely satisfactory and you feel torn between leaving or staying.

BRIDGING can be about Dating Yourself, or dating other men (I’m just talking coffee, lunch, dinner and walks, here, and not sex, so it’s not quite as scary as it sounds).

Bridging can be just about THINKING about all the options you have out there.

It can be about Loving Yourself while you walk, dance, glide, fly, swim, float and have fun across the BRIDGE with every man you spend time with until you arrive, feeling great, at the place on the RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE called a REAL RELATIONSHIP.

And don’t worry. if all this seems like so much new stuff, or “work”. it’s actually quite easy.

Whether you’re seeing many men or just one right now, I’ll help you find a way to Bridge to the relationship you want.

Rori, I have been getting advice from you on menfor a while now. I have used what you have told me wisely and I was so surprised when it worked! I get more attention now for who I am and not who I thought I wanted to be.

One of your particular letters made me realize that I could be treated the way I wanted. So I dumped my boyfriend at the time and stopped chasing guys. Soon the sweetest guy, who I’ve known for almost 5 years, came into my life – but now not as my friend but as my boyfriend.

He treats me with respect and I would never be with him if it wasn’t for you. As you wrote about, I re-named myself, and now no one I know has my name. It makes me feel like I am an individual and can act as one. Thank you for all of your advice so far. – Della.

And you can do it. I’ll help you all I can.