Sunday, February 16th, 2020

How Do I Get Over My Ex?

Many guys seem to spend their life in one of two states: being with a girl they don’t like and desperately trying to get over the last girl they were with. Neither’s a great place to be, and this site is full of advice on meeting new women. But how do you get over your ex?

First, let’s assume that you’ve tried to get back with your ex but it just didn’t work out. After all, if you still want your ex, mind as well try to reconcile the relationship, right?

Stop Thinking About Your Relationship

You have to stop fantasizing about her. This is huge. Every time you do this, you’re just strengthening the connection in your brain to her. Even if she keeps popping up, you’ve got to replace this image with someone else. This is like meditation… and you gently brush the thought of your ex to the side every time it appears in your mind.

Be Busier Than Your Ex

Get busy, and keep busy.

Start new hobbies and experience new things that aren’t related to her. Breathe some new life in to your social life. If you’ve not got much going on, your brain will keep going back to thoughts that get an emotional reaction from you … such as the fact that you’re feeling heart-broken. Start talking to as many women as you can – you’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do.

Set Boundaries

One of the biggest kickers in being dumped is the sudden feeling of lack of control. Maybe you send her a message, and don’t get a reply, and then you feel even more lonely? Stop that now. If you must keep in contact, do it on your terms. Promise yourself that you’ll only reply to her messages once a day, and that you won’t speak on the phone. Refuse to get drawn in to any discussions about:

  1. The possibility of you getting back together
  2. How you still mean so much to her as a friend
  3. Her feelings for you
  4. Your feelings for her

couple taking time out after fight

You guys are finished. If she wants to get back together, she can be explicit about it. Even though you split up, she’s still going to get a nice little validation shot from knowing you’re still in to her – and the above topics will all lead to that. Take control back!

It’s Not About Her

However amazing this chick was, she’s just a chick. And even if she sucked, your brain is going to play a mean trick on you: it’ll make you think that this one girl was The One True Girl For You. She isn’t. You have a girl-shaped hole in your emotions, and you’re getting that confused with a her-shaped hole. Yes you liked her for reasons x, y, and z. But you’re coming up with logical reasons here for a very emotional reaction to losing someone, and the more you recognize that, the better.

Stop Caring How She Feels About You

Guys obsess about girls when they’re not sure how the girl feels about them. If the girl would just say it, they could move on, but that never seems to happen. If she dumped you, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve asked her out on a date, and she’s said no, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve made your move, and she didn’t go along with it, she doesn’t want to be with you. Stop trying to find out if there’s a part of her that likes you – whether there is or isn’t, the overall part doesn’t want the two of you together. Be firm with yourself, and accept this!

Girl feeling blue after breakup

Getting Over Your Ex

Like getting over an addiction, your brain will try and create all sorts of rationalizations for your feeling of loss. Just because your brain tells you something, doesn’t mean it’s real.
It will take you a few weeks or months to get over a girl. You will still think about her six months later. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t MEAN anything, other than your brain is working how everyone else’s does.

Take control of the situation, and take control of yourself.